Letting Go Or Holding On?
by Blue Butterfly 128
Summary: A girl and a WWE superstar think back on their relationship with one another after they've broken up. Please review... it's my first song fic so please be nice! hope you like it! And don't forget to review!
1. Can't Let Go

This is my first song fic. It's to "Where Are You Now?" by Britney Spears. I don't own anything. the song was used without permission. blah, blah, blah. u know the drill.

~*~*~*~*~

  
_::Calling out your name  
Your face is everywhere  
I'm reaching out to you  
To find that you're not there::  
_  
  
It hurts. It hurts me every time I turn on the TV and see your face. When I go to the store, I'll see you smiling on shirts with that grin I loved so much, and still do. Now you have your own Slurpee cup and commercial on the radio! It's bad enough seeing you, but hearing your deep voice that whispered in my ear on those peaceful night in bed, it just twists the already jagged dagger in my heart.  
  
  
_::I wake up every night  
To see the state I'm in  
It's like I'm in this fight  
I never seem to win::_  
  
  
I didn't mean to. I loved you. I still do. It's not like I purposely started fights to break us up. I thought we would be together forever. but apparently I was wrong. You were right. You were always right. Didn't you tell me that if I didn't get over my insecurities, it would just cause me to push you away? Yeah you did. Didn't you say if I shut you out, all I would be doing is hurting myself? Yeah, you told me that too.  
  
  
_::I can't go on  
As long as I believe  
Can't let go  
If I keep wondering::  
_  
  
I have sleepless nights because I can't stop wondering if you still think about me. about us and what we had. Wondering if you've found someone new. Wondering what would have happened had we never split up. Would we eventually get married like I'd always hoped? Would we have been able to get through everything life threw at us? Together?  
  
  
_::Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart, when I'm not around?  
Where are you now?  
You gotta let me know  
Oh baby, so I can let you go::  
_  
  
There's not a day I regret letting you leave. Not a moment that I don't wish you were still with me. Never a second that I hoped you still thought of me. Thought about whether you were with someone new.  
  
  
_::I can hear your voice  
Ring like yesterday  
It seems so close to me  
But yet so far away::  
_  
  
I remember your days off. You'd come home to me, to our home we'd had for four months together. We'd spend the whole day doing nothing with each other. Then lay in the backyard on a blanket, me in your arms, and stare at the stars for hours. Then you'd carry me inside and we'd make love. Then you'd whisper loving words to me until I fell asleep in your arms.  
  
  
_::I should let it out  
To save what's left of me  
And close the doors of doubt  
Revive my dignity::  
_  
  
I remember pleading with you during our last moments together, asking you not to leave me. But you said the damage was done. You said you loved me, but you couldn't stand to keep up a relationship like the one we had. I sacrificed my being able to see you, talk to you, kiss you, hold you, just so that I wouldn't have to tell you. Tell you about my ex-boyfriend and how he's done all the things I fear you'll do.

  


__

::But I can't go on  
As long as I believe (as long as I believe)  
Can't let go  
If I keep wondering::  
  
  
There are plenty of questions I have that will probably go unanswered. Did you ever get my letter? Was it lost in the mail, or do you know about you son? If you don't think about me, do you at least think about your son? The son you and I created together? The son that's a carbon copy of you? Do you know?

  


__

::Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart when I'm not around?  
Tell me where are you now?::  
  
  
You're probably in some random city. It's a Sunday. Tonight was a pay-per view. I don't order them. It hurts enough to accidentally see you on RAW. Why add to it buy actually buying the pay-per view to purposely see you? To purposely grab my own heart out and watch and feel it shatter into a billion tiny pieces from knowing that you were mine, but now you aren't?  
  
  
_::You gotta let me know  
So I can let you go  
I should let it out  
It's time to let you go::  
_  
  
I know I shouldn't cling to you and the memory of you like this, but I can't help it. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. No one will ever change that.  
  
_  
::Oh baby, I just wanna know  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart (Where is your heart)?  
When I'm not around (I'm not around)? ::_  
  
  
I can't help but think you've found someone more suited for yourself. Someone who won't cause bumps in your relationship. I can just imagine her; soft, silky hair, about shoulder length, tall, skinny, straight teeth, an amazing body, pretty much drop-dead gorgeous. It's probably one of the divas you're with now. One of the diva's that's stolen you heart.  
  
  
_::Where are you now?  
You gotta let me know  
Oh baby, so I can let you go::  
_  
  
Sometimes there are times where I just wish that I had never met you. I wish that I never had a longing, a need for you. I wish that I had never fallen in love with you, Rob Van Dam. I wish that the fateful day where we stumbled upon each other in the hallway in the hotel where you were staying, I wish that never took place.  
  
  
_::Where are you now? (Where are you now?)  
What have you found? (What have you found?)  
Where is your heart? (Where is your heart?)  
When I'm not around? (I'm not around)  
Where are you now? (Where are you now?)  
You gotta let me know (gotta let me know)  
Oh baby, so I can let you go::  
_  
  
But in the end, I know I'll always want you. Hell, I do right now! And you'll always have me. I can try, but I'll never be able to let go. You'll always and forever have my heart. So I guess in a way, it's you who'll never let go.  


~*~*~*~*~

  


Hope you all liked it! Please review! Go! Now!


	2. No One Else

This is the other half of my first song fic. It's to "No One Else Comes Close" by the Backstreet Boys. I don't own anything, etc. I hope you like the story!  
  


  
~*~*~*~*~

  


__

::When we turn out the lights  
The two of us, alone together  
Something's just not right::

  


I remember the first time we talked about it. I guess you thought I was asleep. You were careful not to "wake me up" as you got out of bed and snuck into the bathroom of our new house. You didn't hear me coming in as you were sobbing, sitting in the tub. You looked so vulnerable. And that wasn't the person I had first met. The independent, stubborn, strong, young woman I had met and fallen in love with. You finally realized I was there. Something was really wrong.

  


__

::But girl you know that I would never, ever let  
Another's touch, come between the two of us  
'Cause no one else will ever take your place::

  


I had finally convinced you to tell me what was wrong. You told me you were scared that when I went back to work, I was on vacation to sell an injury, I would fall in love with one of the divas. You were scared I would forget about you and find someone else. That's not possible. I told you that. No one could EVER make me forget about you.

  


__

::No one else comes close to you  
No one makes me feel the way you do  
You're so special girl, to me  
And you'll always be, eternally::

  


I told you that night how much I loved you. How special you were to me. How important you were to me. How much I needed you. And you still are all those things. You're special to me; you're important to me; I need you.

  


__

::Every time I hold you near  
You always say the words I love to hear  
Girl with just a touch you can do so much  
No one else comes close::

  


I sat with you in that bathtub for at least an hour, holding you, comforting you. I admit I was tired and wanted to get to bed, but then you said it. You said the words that made me forget how tired I was, how cramped I was in that tub. You told me you loved me. You wrapped your arms around me and made me feel whole. No one else can do that to me.

  


__

::And when I wake up to  
The touch of your head on my shoulder  
All my dreams come true::

  


The next morning, we were still there, in the tub. Your head was resting on my shoulder and we had our arms wrapped around each other. I know I, and everyone else in this business, talk about how wrestling is my dream and how my dreams came true. But now I know, I always dreamed of finding you. I guess I never knew it because I never knew you.

  


__

::Girl you know I'll always treasure every kiss and every day  
I'll love you girl in every way  
And I will, 'cause in my eyes::

  
  
Eventually I saw a pattern in you. You would have these insecurities about the smallest things that had never entered my mind. You thought I would cheat on you, forget about you, leave you, abuse you, use you, throw you away. I would never do that. But I know, soon I won't be able to handle your insecurities. And each time I try to help, it gets harder and harder for me to get you to open up. But I'm gonna stay with you as long as I can. And because I know the end is coming soon, I'm gonna cherish everything you give me until then. But no matter what, I'll always love you.

  


__

::No one else comes close to you  
No one makes me feel the way you do  
You're so special girl, to me  
And you'll always be, eternally::

  


I broke up with you. I have to keep reminding myself that every time I want to call you when I'm on the road. When I get distracted at the meeting. When I'm training. When I'm just day dreaming about coming home to you. You shut me out, and I couldn't take not knowing what was wrong and how to help. So I ended it. Like I said, I knew it was coming. I just wish it wasn't so soon. I'll always regret that decision, but I had to, I couldn't hold on anymore to something that was slipping away. But you'll always hold a special place in my heart, in my soul. in me.

  


__

::Every time I hold you near  
You always say the words I love to hear  
Girl with just a touch you can do so much  
No one else comes close::

  


I've gone on a few dates ever since we broke up. It was never anything serious though. That's all because of you. 'Cause every time I'm with someone, I can only see you. I can only hear you. I only want to be with you. They can do the simplest things that you've done, just wrap their arms around me, hold my hand when we're walking, but it's not the same as when it's you touching me when you wrap your arms around me or hold my hand. You're in a league of your own and no one else comes close to you.

~*~*~*~*~

  


Hope you guys like it! Tell me what you think and review! Please!


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